The title says it all. It's going to be a huge pointless whiny rant so if u dont like huge pointless whiny rant best advised for you not to read on. It will just annoy you to no end..haha...
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RANT MODE ON

I know im going to sound whiny for saying this but.... even as a staff there... im having phobia with school! Dont get me wrong; i like teaching but i hate dealing with most other stuffs that arent related to work but were made compulsory anyway. It just slows down my work, and ... probably slows down my mind. Too much distraction.....

I realized that I had not much inspiration to think of a story or character for these past 2 years until i finally got my 1 month holiday (yea....we Special Needs Officers finally got the holiday scheme that we deserved like teachers do). This will probably sounds like an excuse but i remember that i could only keep thinking of my work whether im off-work or on the work itself. If i didnt make a point to attend for manga class every weekend,i would probably do not spare any time for drawing at all. And 1 day of practice drawing per week was obviously not enough for me. i.e. There's no room for creative thinking on the drawing part...Im all art-blocked.

I also realized that the longer i stay here, the more negative i feel about myself. Most of what the school demands are totally the opposite of my working style. It's like asking a right-brained person to become a left-brained person. And the complaints heard from other staffs doesnt help it either. I swear that some teachers are becoming more zombified on each passing day (I said 'some' cos there are also some who dont have prob with it, good for them). Im not an exception either. Our weekend holidays werent holidays... we had to spend our time thinking and planning on our work (for teachers-marking papers...ouch!). And i think that if this keeps happening, it will just kill the creativity part of me until i become a full-fledged zombie. While some teachers can accept this, i selfishly cant. Because my personality demands me to be more free-spirited.To me a fate worse than death is a fate to lose youself...and your sanity. Yea... call me a narcissist if you want ...lol... but i dont want to end up dragging myself to work everyday and say "I hate my job."

I know i had to quit in order to save my sanity but i cant ... until i have enough money for my own survival and go into the art field. I know i still have a long way to go when it comes to drawing but that is what i feel free and fun the most and i realised and am confident that i can learn fast when it comes to drawing. Even when i faced criticism on my artwork, i felt challenged not weakened. I can draw up to 4am but still thinks that it's just 12 am. I know that this is the one that i had set my eyes on for a long time.... but i have tough luck with having opportunities and the lack of support isnt helping either. The last 5 hurdles that i have to face before i can go into this field - 1) financial issue for the fees and my own savings 2) financial issue (trying to prevent my parents to use my savings) 3) create a portfolio (i havent been updating much), 4) survive the horror in school and 5) be accepted to enroll to art school .

END OF RANT
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To those who read this till the end ... im surprised frankly but i also feel appreciative. Thanks for listening to my rant...i sure need an outlet. And im sorry if you've wasted time doing this too. But for those who didnt, let me summarize it for you by saying out the lessons learned here. The moral of the story are:

1) Money isnt everything but it is important, treasure it but dont let it enslave you

2) A fate worse than death is a fate to lose yourself...and your sanity

3) If you have a dream go for it!

4) If you have a dream but have no money...go get it first for insurance (combining moral #1 and #3)

5) Opportunity cant knock, so you have to knock on that opportunity

That's all i have to say. Thanks again for listening and bearing with me. I may feel negative at this moment but im still optimistic enough to follow my dreams. If you have your dreams, dont ever give it up. All the best to you! (and me too ...haha..)